


Bright Constellations

by Corvicula1979



Series: Bright Constellations and its offshoots [1]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Actually discussing consent, Actually discussing safer sex, Additional Tags by Chapter, Angst, Blood Kink, But I'll warn you now about, Consensual Telepathy, Discussion of Canonical Suicide Attempt, Discussion of Past Mind Control, Discussion of Past Mind Rape, F/F, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Implied Past Rape, Jotunn!Loki, Light Dom/sub, Loki Needs a Hug, Loki is a Tease, Loki is also a sweetheart, Loki likes popular culture, Loki likes to sing, Loki loves learning for its own sake, Loki's moods are mercurial, Not doing either perfectly but at least they're talking about it like grownups, Odin is a serious asshole, Pre-Thor: The Dark World, Pseudo-Vampire, Redeemed!Loki, Romance, Set in Toronto, Shapeshifter Loki, That's My Story and I'm Sticking to it, basically what happens after the Avengers is different, if Loki is OOC I blame it on being redeemed, loki is still a little shit, mention of past torture, pseudo-bestiality, slightly canon divergent
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-06-26
Updated: 2014-07-02
Packaged: 2018-02-04 00:17:20
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 16,587
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1760521
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Corvicula1979/pseuds/Corvicula1979
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Part of Loki's sentence is to fix what he broke on Midgard. He has a chance meeting with an out of town visitor to New York. Friendship, lust and love ensue. Humor, angst, romantic fluff, smut - some of it rather kinky.</p><p>This is the world in which the events movies actually take place, but those living there only know what makes it into the news.</p><p>Very much a work in progress, so updates will be irregular, as I finish sections.</p><p>This was supposed to be a self-indulgent little piece of mostly smut. Now it's a self-indulgent long piece full of feels, angst, HeartFelt Discussions (TM), and smut because that's the sort of thing that happens when Loki is your muse.</p><p>And yes, Cassie Fox is modelled on me. </p><p>Usual disclaimer: The movie plots as summarized in the story, Loki, and the other characters you recognize belong to Marvel. Cassie, her friend Jess, and this story belong to me. What happened to Loki after he fell from Bifröst and Loki making restitution by using his magic for good on Earth are my headcanon adopted from many other fanfics. All pop culture references belong to their respective owners, credited to the best of my knowledge.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Pleaides - Seven sisters, seven days

**Author's Note:**

> Loki's manner of speech is more old-fashioned and flowery than the movies, I know, but what can I say, that's how he wanted to be written.
> 
> Some brief notes on language. I've tried to use more authentic old Norse rather than Marvelisms, ie, 'Æsir' rather than Asgardian, and trying to be consistent about it. I don't pretend to be an expert and this is all cribbed from wikipedia, frankly.  
> Æsir is plural; Áss is the masculine singular; Jötnar is the plural of Jotunn.
> 
> Loki having a silver tongue means to me, among other things, a gift for languages. So he's using endearments in many different languages. I don't pretend that they're all idiomatic, because some of it them are wordplay on Cassie's names. Anyway, again, internet translations FTW and I'm not an expert.  
> Linguistic corrections are more than welcome.

_**Saturday afternoon, May** _

It was a beautiful, sunny spring afternoon. I was sitting in an armchair at a small table by the window at Starbucks, nursing my chai, and dividing my attention between reading my newest book and occasionally looking out the window, enjoying the bright sun and watching the world go by.

"Excuse me, would you mind if I joined you?" I looked up. The speaker was a tall, slender young man, fair-skinned and black-haired, and he was holding his coffee in one hand, and holding up a book in the other. He gave a small smile, looking at the book in my hands, to indicate that he intended to quietly read and sip his drink, as I was.

The store had become more crowded; there were no empty tables, but several other tables had only a lone occupant he could have asked to join. I blinked. I was not used to having good-looking strangers ask to sit with me, though I certainly did not mind. "Of course not, have a seat," I said.

He contentedly settled into the chair across from me, putting his coffee down on the table and opening his book. I returned to my own reading.

Once his drink had cooled a little, he began drinking it, almost absently, quite absorbed in his book. Likewise, I had returned to my chai and my reading. Every so often I would look up at him, then realize I shouldn't stare, and quickly return to my book. Every so often I swore I felt his gaze on me, as if he was doing the same, but I never caught him looking. Perhaps five minutes passed like this, perhaps ten - I wasn't keeping track. I realized that I wasn't really focusing well on my book. I looked up and started to speak... only to realize he had also started to talk at the same time! He gave a wry smile, and I startled to giggle. "You first," he said, sweeping one hand towards me in an 'after you' gesture.

"So, what are you reading?" I asked.

It was his turn to laugh. "That is what I was about to ask you," he said.

I closed my book and slid it across the table; I was reading about recent advances in theoretical physics, written at the level of a scientifically-literate layperson.

"Studying?" he asked.

"Actually, no, I read this stuff for fun." He gave a surprised look. "No, really," I continued. "I don't know how familiar you are with the cutting edge of physics, but some of the theories are pretty, well, mind-blowingly bizarre. And if we ever get confirmation of any of them, it would really be a case of reality being stranger than fiction. Sometimes I suspect that reality is stranger than we can imagine."

He considered that. "Well, I admit I have always been a connoisseur of different types of multiverse theory..."

And so we began with inflationary multiverses, continued on to the bizarre consequences of quantum uncertainty, and ended up at Hawking radiation. His eyes were twinkling, and I'm pretty sure I couldn't stop grinning.

Eventually, though, we managed to run out of conversational steam on physics. "Your turn," I said. "What are you reading?" He showed me. I was delighted to see that he'd been reading a recent science fiction novel, one which had been only a moderate success commercially, but was much beloved and well-reviewed. And one which I had recently read, no less. "How are you enjoying it?" I asked. "I should be upfront and tell you that I simply _adored_ it...."

And we were off again.

We must have talked for at least an hour, long after our drinks were finished. I was disappointed when the alarm I had set on my phone went off. I had a show to see that evening, and needed to have dinner first. I stopped the alarm and looked up at the fascinating stranger.

"I'm sorry, I need to get going," I told him regretfully. "I have plans for the evening. It has been a genuine pleasure talking with you." I extended a hand for a handshake, which he took. "I'm Cassie, by the way."

"I'm Loki. Cassie is short for Cassandra?" he asked.

"For Cassiopeia, actually. I get that a lot," I said. I was glad when he didn't make any comment about how _unusual_ my name was. I got that a lot, too.

"Cassie, would you be agreeable to exchanging phone numbers?" he asked.

"Sure, I'd like that." I navigated to my 'add contact' screen and passed my phone over, and he did likewise. "I should tell you, though, I'm not from New York, I'm only here for the weekend." I also fished out a pen from my purse and wrote my email on a napkin for him.

He replied wryly, "I, too, am only a visitor here, though for a longer spell of time."

When we'd returned each others' phones, he stood up and came to offer me a hand up out of my chair. "Thank you," I said, surprised by his strength as he pulled me up.

I gathered my things and turned to leave, and had made it to the door when I heard, "Cassie, wait a minute" behind me. I went through the door to get out of the way and waited for my new acquaintance to catch up.

He didn't say anything immediately when he came outside. "What is it?" I asked, not unkindly.

He responded, "Please do not be alarmed, I wish to show you something." As soon as he spoke these words, my vision was briefly dazzled by gold light. When it cleared the man in front of me was wearing a different face. The lines of his face were only subtly changed, but it was enough to make him seem a different person; the eyes changed from hazel to a startling green, his fair skin even paler, his black hair now brushing his shoulders. The mask he had dropped was pleasing enough to the eyes, but the face he had revealed was startlingly beautiful. But I also felt a shock of recognition; I knew that face from the news.

He clearly saw the change in my expression. "Yes, I'm _that_ Loki. Do you still wish to keep in contact with me?" His voice had changed too, from a pleasant but unremarkable Mid-Atlantic tenor, to a huskier pitch with a distinct British accent which I was certain I would always remember in future.

"Yes, absolutely," I said, not missing a beat. I was, frankly, more fascinated than disturbed by his revelation.

He flashed a brilliant smile. "I felt it only fair to ask, now that you know what you are getting into." He raised a hand and gently squeezed my shoulder. "And I will keep you no longer from your plans. I will call you, and soon. Do enjoy your evening, Miss Cassiopeia." He turned and went back in to the Starbucks. After he was out of view, I smiled to myself. Being addressed as 'Miss Cassiopeia' ought to have sounded condescending, but Loki had said it with unfeigned respect.

_**Sunday afternoon** _

I was sitting in the terminal lounge at Newark airport, reading to kill time before my flight, when my phone rang. The usefulness of saved contacts in my cell phone: I knew who it was.

"Hello, Loki."

"Good afternoon, Cassie."

"You weren't kidding when you said you'd call soon," I said dryly.

"So, what are you doing?"

"Sitting in Newark waiting for my plane. I did tell you I was only in town briefly. Any special reason you're calling? Not that I mind..."

"It passes the time pleasantly."

"Well, I suppose there are worse ways for you to relieve your boredom," I replied, hoping he heard the joking tone in my voice.

He gave a startled laugh, "Indeed, I do have a tendency to cause trouble when I am bored. So, allay my curiosity. What brought you to this fair metropolis?"

"I came to see a Broadway production of _Hedwig and the Angry Inch_. That's what my plans were last night."

"Hedwig and the what?" he sounded baffled.

"It's musical theatre,” I said, and briefly described the plot.

"That is a rather ... unusual plot."

"I know, it sounds really outlandish, but it's actually a great story and a great musical. Also, the title character is being played by an actor I admire, so I didn't want to miss the opportunity to see it. By the way, thanks for managing not to destroy the theatre district last time you were in New York. So, that's my story, what's yours? What are you up to in the Big Apple?"

"Visiting the Gauguin exhibit at MOMA. Also going for long walks in Central Park."

"Oh, come _on_. For the so-called Lie-smith, that was _incredibly_ transparent. Try again, what are you actually doing?"

"The part about Central Park was true," he countered. "Trying out for the Harlem Globetrotters?"

"Now I know you're pulling my leg."

He suggested, completely deadpan, "Earning a Masters in Divinity at Union Theological."

I couldn't help it, I laughed hysterically. "You... Masters of Divinity... I can't even..." was all I could get out between the laughs.

Once my giggles had settled down he continued."Alright, seriously," he said, his tone quickly gone somber, "I am here using my magic to repair the damage I wrought to the city. As much as it is possible to fix. As much as I might wish it, even I cannot revive those I killed, though I have healed some who are beyond the reach of your medical technology. And I am using my skills in other ways to help the people of Midgard by way of restitution. It was part of the sentence passed in judgement for my crimes."

"That does sound more constructive than imprisonment."

"Indeed. I regret what I did here, Cassie. I cannot unmake my crimes, but I would make amends as best as I am able." A few moments passed in uncomfortable silence.

"So, how did you enjoy your play last night?" Loki asked, breaking the tension by changing the subject.

"I had a wonderful time. Neil was completely _fabulous_ , as I expected. What did you get up to last night?"

"I went out of the city to watch the stars and relax for a time."

"That's something I should do more often. It's a drawback to city living. On the other hand, big cities have their advantages too, and I wouldn't give them up easily."

"For instance?"

"For instance, if you have some free time while you're in New York, you should go see _Wicked_. You'll need to read _The Wizard of Oz_ first, though, or at least watch the movie. Anyway, I have a feeling you might like it."

"An interesting suggestion. Forgive me for being abrupt, but I believe I shall begin that research. I will call you again soon, I promise. Have a pleasant and safe flight, Cassie."

"Thank you, and happy reading."

We said goodbye and hung up. I returned to my book and the time rolled past. Perhaps twenty minutes later, shortly before the boarding call, I received a text message: **Look in your carry-on bag. ;) - L**

Curiosity piqued, I peered in my bag: a Greg Egan novel, one I hadn't yet read, had appeared within. I quickly texted back: **Thank you. :D - C** , before turning off my phone and boarding the plane.

_**Monday midday** _

It was another sunny warm day, and I decided that I would take advantage of the fine weather by taking my new Egan novel to a nearby park to read in the sun. I took an old towel to lie on on the grass, and made myself a ham-and-cheese sandwich to take with me. I had been settled at the park, well into the book, for about fifteen minutes when I heard my phone alert me to a text message.

**What are you doing right now? - L**

**At the park sunning and reading new book. Contemplating my sandwich. Why? - C**

**Just curious ;) Do you have a special ringtone for me? - L**

**No, but I plan to. I *will* by tonight. - C**

**What will it be? - L**

**I'll never tell :P - C**

Perhaps Loki expected me to be distracted by the text conversation, but I caught a flash of gold light from my sandwich bag. That must be the colour of Loki's magic, I thought. I rolled my eyes, though there was no-one to see it. Oh well, I was starting to get hungry, I might as well see what Loki had done to my ham-and-cheese. I peered between the bread slices and discovered it was now a butter and jam sandwich. I texted him: **How did you know kiwi jam was my favourite? - C**

**I am fond of green. - L**

I laughed, and contentedly ate my sandwich while reading, heedless of crumbs dropping between the pages.

A pattern was set. Loki would end up calling me or texting me at least once a day all that week, usually companionably talking of nothing in particular, things we had seen or heard that day which amused us. He found me on Facebook, but preferred to talk more directly, which suited me fine. I soon realized that I looked forward to his calls, even if we spoke of nothing, because I loved just listening to the sound of his voice, the aural equivalent of a velvet caress.

_**Tuesday evening** _

I'd been busy most of the day and didn't log on to Facebook until after dinner. I discovered my profile picture had been changed to a photo of Loki, my status line said I was "burdened with glorious purpose," and he'd left me a private message reading "You've been LOKI'd!"

I posted a Picard face-palm meme to his wall, changed my status to "Please ignore the god of mischief with nothing better to do than mess with my Facebook account," and threatened him that his ringtone was going to be "Call Me Maybe." He responded that "Sexy and I Know It" would be more apt.

I left the picture up.

That was when I admitted to myself that I was lost.

_**Wednesday** _

I felt a tingle on my feet and legs. I looked down to see the telltale gold of Loki's magic and the socks I was wearing turned to black, green and gold striped knee-highs. I decided they were more stylish anyway.

That evening when Loki called me, I decided to ask him a question I'd been wondering about for a while. "Loki, aren't you worried for your safety if you were recognized?"

"Why would I be recognized? .... _Oh_." he replied. "Cassie, I believe you are labouring under a misunderstanding. The false face you saw at first is an illusion, as I am certain you deduced. Tell me, did you see the gold of my magic before you saw me changed?"

“Yes.”

“And _where_ did you see gold?”

“In my eyes. Across my whole field of vision."

"It was not directly surrounding me."

"Even if it had been, I wouldn't have been able to see it through the dazzle. So?"

"So, I want you consider what that might mean."

I paused for a while to consider. "It was affecting me, not you. My eyes, not your appearance." I thought further. "So you didn't drop the illusion, you made me able to see through it."

"Well deduced, my clever friend," he said with a smile I could hear. He paused, and then asked in a more serious tone, "It does not disturb you to discuss my magic?"

"Hell no, why should it disturb me?"

"It is something rather new and unusual compared to your everyday experience, after all."

"Loki, I may not be a professional scientist, but I share their attitude. The new and unknown is not frightening to me, it's exciting. When faced with something new, I want to find out more about it, to learn something that I didn't know yesterday. It's been called the joy of discovery. And for my own part, knowledge about magical abilities I didn't even know existed two years ago is no less compelling than plumbing the mysteries of, for instance, Big Bang cosmology or neurochemistry.”

"Cassie, I hope you never cease surprising me. I shall have to show you some of the other things I can do."

"I would love that."

"You may be interested to know that I can reshape my form, as well as cloaking it in illusions."

"REALLY? You can shapeshift?" I was full of questions, but he remind annoyingly silent while I asked them. "Dammit, you're not going to tell me anything else, are you? You insufferable tease."

My irritation was partly assuaged by hearing him break into a hearty, completely genuine laugh. "No," he said, and added wickedly, "but I might show you, if you ask very, very nicely."

_**Thursday** _

I woke up and started to dress. Opening my dresser, I discovered that every single pair of plain cotton underpants had been changed into something prettier or sexier, each pair different from the others: satin, lace, one which was black with pinstripes, and so on. They all looked like they would fit properly, so I shrugged to myself. To my mind, this was not worth getting upset about.

I _did_ wonder how Loki had known precisely the right size, and whether I should be inferring something from the intimate nature of the prank.

_**Friday night** _

8:30 pm Friday night, and I was trying to decide whether to have a quiet night in, call around to discover what my friends were up to, or possibly even go out dancing. My phone rang. Because of our very first conversation, when I decided to set a custom ringtone for the number Loki gave me, I'd used a sample from "Large Hadron Rap." Despite my threats on Tuesday, I hadn't changed it. As always, I was glad that he was calling, but the song also made me smile.

"Hello, Loki. How was your day?" I answered.

"Cassie, I am in Toronto. Are you busy tonight?" he asked.

"I was just trying to decide what do with my evening."

"I was hoping you might agree to spend it with me."

"I'd like that. What did you have in mind?"

"Whatever would please you. I would imagine the possibilities are legion on a Friday night."

"It also depends on what would please you, Loki." I paused to steel my nerves. "I've had too many misunderstandings in my life, so I'll just ask ... are you asking me on a date?"

I thought I heard a catch in his breath. "Only if you wish it to be," he replied.

I couldn't prevent cracking a huge goofy grin, which I hoped he could sense through the phone. "Oh, I certainly do. Hmm, in that case.... I would like to go out dancing with you."

"Dancing?" he sounded somewhat reluctant.

"I don't know what music or dance are like on Asgard, but I suspect this will be rather different. And I'd bet you haven't used your leisure time in New York to visit nightclubs, either. Do you really want to miss a new experience?"

Loki laughed. "Very well. Where are we going?"

"A nightclub called Velvet Underground. I'm guessing I won't get there until 10:30 or so, I have to get dressed up, and it will take me some time to get there. Do you want to meet there at the bar or somewhere else?"

"I will meet you outside the bar, if you give me the address. And... dressed up?"

I gave the details, then added, "I like to get decked out when I go out to the bar. And if this is a date, you're supposed to be trying to impress me." I added, wickedly, "If you liked, your leathers would not be out of place."

"I shall take that under advisement. I will leave you to your preparations, then. See you at 10:30."

"Looking forward to it. Bye, Loki."

"As am I. See you soon."

Well, _that_ certainly raised my expectations of the evening. Loki was interested beyond friendship, was he? Long experience warned me not to pin my hopes too high, but I could not entirely quash my elation. As I brushed my teeth and my hair, I considered what to wear to be as irresistible as I possibly could. I decided on a leather corset, as the pinnacle of sartorial sexiness, and a velvet skirt in the hope that Loki would enjoy the tactile indulgence as much as I did; the outfit was completed by high-heeled boots. A favourite perfume, clove, cinnamon and pepper, went in my purse to be applied at the bar. I checked my reflection in the mirror, and approved of what I saw. I put on my wool coat against the chill of a spring night, and as I left, I made sure to take my book to alleviate the boredom of a long, tedious ride on the subway and streetcar.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When I began writing this, Neil Patrick Harris was playing the title role in Hedwig and the Angry Inch on Broadway: 
> 
> Songs mentioned in this chapter:  
> "Call Me Maybe" by Carly Rae Jepsen (c) 2011  
> "Sexy and I Know It" by LMFAO (c) 2011  
> "Large Hadron Rap" by alpinekat (c) 2008 - I think...


	2. Cassiopeia A, a supernova

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Loki and Cassie go out dancing. And drive each other mad. And go back to her place...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings and tags:
> 
> Minor threat of violence. Rough handling. D/s dynamic, though not formally negotiated or in any way a proper scene. Actually talking about consent and safer sex, even if not performing it ideally. As you should have guessed from the previous warnings, explicit sex ahoy!
> 
> Lots of musical and pop-cultural references, they go to a nightclub after all.  
> And, in case you're wondering, *that* long leather coat is the one from the "casual" Avengers costume, that we see him in for most of the movie.

_**Friday night, continued** _

As I walked to the club from the streetcar stop, I spotted Loki leaning casually against the wall outside. The lines of his silhouette showed that he was, indeed, wearing _that_ long leather coat. As I approached I saw that he was leaning his head back, eyes closed, listening to the music coming through the doors, face unguarded in a moment of simple enjoyment. I had only seen his true face in person for a few moments, almost a week before, and my eyes drank in this beautiful picture. He hadn't noticed my approach, so when I reached him I gently squeezed his upper arm, hoping not to startle him. He opened his eyes lazily and stood up straight, clasping one of my hands gently. "Ah, good evening, my Cassiopeia."

His casual use of the possessive made my heart skip. I laced our fingers together. "I hope I haven't kept you waiting long."

"Not at all. I find I enjoy much of this modern Midgardian music."

"We should discover if you enjoy dancing to it, then. You will see there are no rules, simply moving as the music takes you."

"That sounds ... liberating. Shall we enter?"

I nodded to the bouncer, and surveyed the familiar scene as we walked in. I asked Loki to find us someplace to sit, and excused myself to the bathroom. While there I removed my coat and applied my perfume liberally to my cleavage and wrists. Before looking to see where Loki had gone, I went to the bar and bought us drinks: a vodka lemonade for me, a rum-and-coke that I hoped he would enjoy. Then I searched for my date, and found him sitting at a small table by the back corner of the dance floor, watching the dancers intently as if he was studying them. I approached from the side and only caught his attention when I set our drinks down on the table.

Loki widened his eyes in approval when he saw my outfit. "You look wonderful, my dear," he said.

I smiled. He had taken off his coat and it was draped on his chair. He was wearing a long-sleeved silk shirt the exact same shade of deep green as his eyes, hanging loose over black leather pants and high buckled boots. "You look damn gorgeous, yourself," I said as I sat down.

That elicited a self-satisfied little smirk from Loki, but he changed the subject. “Is it not more usual for the man to buy alcohol for the woman to gain her favour?”

“Indeed it is, but I only follow traditional gender roles when it suits me. And seriously, welcome to the twenty-first century. How would that idea work if I were trying to pursue another woman?”

“A fair point. So, which of these beverages did you intend for me?"

"The rum-and-coke, but, well, I didn't know what you might like. I should have asked you first, silly of me really. I can get something else if you'd prefer."

"Are you intending to get me drunk and take advantage of me?" he asked, his face a picture of feigned innocence, one eyebrow raised. The notion was so role-reversed and ridiculous I was beyond laughing and into utterly gobsmacked. His smirk returned in reaction to the expression on my face, and I couldn't resist answering it with a grin of my own.

I leaned forward across the table into his personal space and boldly locked eyes with him. "What I intend for you is best done sober," I said.

Loki leaned in as well, without breaking eye contact, and raised his glass. "I propose a toast: to friendship born from chance meeting," he said, everything in his body language saying something other than 'friendship.'

"And to insufferable mischief-makers," I added in a playful tone, and clinked my bottle to his glass, and we drank.

“Did I mention you smell delicious?” he added.

“That's the general idea,” I replied. “ _Spicy._ ” I flashed a mischievous smile, which he mirrored with his own.

One song ended, and the slow build of the Sisters of Mercy's "More" began. I stood up and squeezed Loki's hand. "Excuse me, I have to go dance to this," I said, and made my way onto the dance floor, trying to limber up and incorporate some stretching into my motions as I went. The old favourite quickly put me in my dancing mood, the head space where I become focused on the music and motion. As the song wound down, I briefly returned to our table for a quick swig from my bottle.

The next song was "I Will Follow" and I immediately rushed back to dance. This time, Loki joined me, no more able to resist the infectious ebullient rhythm than I was. He closed in briefly to sing the refrain to me the first time it came around, " _If you walk away, walk away, I walk away, walk away, I will follow_ ," then stepped back so we would both have room to dance. I reflected that only he could manage to look _elegant_ while dancing that bouncily.

Several more fast songs followed. Sometimes we both danced, sometimes we both returned to our table and drinks, sometimes one of us watched while the other danced. When "For Your Entertainment" came on, I was disappointed that he didn't join me. I danced on my own. I knew that the way I was dancing to that song was a thoroughly wanton spectacle, and I could feel Loki's gaze on me so intently, it was too overwhelming to meet his eyes. Towards the end of the song, I closed my eyes for a few moments, and felt a strange tingling sensation, which I had experienced before, but this time it was around my groin. I snapped my eyes open, staring right at Loki, who flashed me a huge shit-eating grin and held up his hand ... waving my panties. I didn't know whether to feel mortified, angry, aroused, or to laugh hysterically. I settled on stalking over to him and growling at him, "You. Little. Shit."

"Yes, and you _love_ it," he replied, smugly.

And then "The Ubiquitous Mr Lovegrove" began, and I turned on my heel and returned to the dance floor. This was the song that had made me want to learn to belly-dance, and if it was possible to seduce with dancing, this was the song for it. I still knew some of those moves, and I danced with my eyes half-closed. My hips moved in languorous figure-eights, my chest popped, my arms moved with serpentine grace, my fingers sang their own complex song. Loki had followed me but was not dancing; he leaned against the pillar nearest me, watching, utterly captivated.

He made it to the end of the second verse.

Loki reached out and pulled me to him, one arm around my waist, the opposite hand cupping my cheek. Tilting my face up, he leaned down and pressed a kiss to my lips, his tongue demanding entrance immediately. I put my arms around his neck to pull even closer, rose on my toes, closed my eyes and opened to him hungrily. My world receded to the song, our bodies clasped tightly together, and the dance of our tongues, as slow and sinuous as the music. I did not surface from that trance until the music changed and he pulled away slightly, and kissed me gently on the forehead.

I gazed up at Loki, still unfocused, and asked in a voice gone husky, "Did we really just kiss for five minutes straight?"

"I would say four-and-a-half, but yes."

"Damn," I said, a little awed.

"With or Without You" had begun as we spoke and I had settled, without thinking, into the swaying embrace of a slow dance, resting my head on his chest. I breathed in deeply, savouring the smell of him: sweat and musk, wood and incense, and other less identifiable scents. His hands had lowered to caress my hips and bottom, lazily stroking the velvet; mine wandered gently up and down his back, enjoying the thin silk slipping beneath my fingers. I realized I was quietly singing along. Then I realized he was, too, so gently I could only hear it because he was resting his head on top of mine. I luxuriated in the the strange, aching blend of simmering desire and tenderness that filled me, and I suspected he shared. I could have stayed like that all night, but that song, too, came to an end.

It segued into "#1 Crush." I didn't know which one of us moved, but our legs were intertwined, I began to run my fingers through his hair - so silky, it was _unfair_ \- and murmuring the first lyrics in his ear, " _I would die for you, I would die for you, I've been dying just to feel you by my side, to know that you're mine..._ "

And suddenly Loki had my back up against the pillar, his hands to either side of my head, his thigh pressing into my crotch, and kissing me demandingly. I moaned into his mouth and rubbed up on his leg, feeling every nerve ending light up. After several delicious moments I disengaged from the kiss, looked him straight in the eye, and said, "Home. Now."

He replied, low and husky, "Agreed. Yours?"

"Yes. Take a cab?"

He nodded, and we disentangled ourselves, hastily retrieved our coats and hurried out the front door, hand in hand. We managed to catch a cab within a few minutes, a shorter wait than I expected but still long enough for us to calm down to coherence. Once I gave the driver the necessary directions, I cuddled against Loki's side and put my hand on his knee. I craved contact but also wanted to try and avoid things getting too heated in the taxi. “You know,” I began conversationally, “usually I dislike being called by my full name, but it is different coming from your mouth.”

“Perhaps because I say it in respect, not in mockery, and because _I_ know which syllable is supposed to be stressed. A bright constellation, a queen out of mythology, it is a name that may be worn proudly. Although if your parents named you for the queen, they missed the mark. I have not yet known you to be arrogant, nor vain, nor boastful...”

“Nor am I beautiful.”

He turned my head so I could not avoid meeting his eyes, and hushed me with a finger to my lips. “On Asgard, the ideal for masculine attractiveness is boastful, golden, muscled like an ox and about as intelligent, so I know better than most that there is more than one way to be beautiful. Your eyes are lovely and the lenses in front of them make them seem larger and prettier. Your lips are a rosebud begging to be kissed,” and he gave them a quick peck, “your chin is regal, your muscular legs are shapely perfection,” he reached down and caressed my calf muscle before resting his left hand on my knee, “your belly is a luscious pillow. I cannot decide whether your soft curls need to be stroked or played with,” he playfully tugged a lock of hair, then dropped that hand to press my breast firmly through corset and coat, “and your breasts, especially as you clothed them tonight, are each of them worthy subjects of saga. You _are_ beautiful, and I _hate_ that society has told you otherwise so often and for so long that you yourself believe it.”

Slowly, very slowly, the hand resting on my knee crept up my leg, under my coat and skirt. He continued, “When I said earlier that you looked wonderful, perhaps I should have said ... ravishing. Or perhaps ...” he leaned until he was whispering in my ear, “ _edible,”_ and he slowly, slowly licked the curve of my ear. I gasped. Loki added, “My mouth might lie, but the rest of me cannot, and _believe me_ ,” his roving hand finally cupped my mound, “If I did not find you beautiful, we would _not_ be here.”

One finger started to move, and it took every shred of my willpower to grasp his questing hand through the fabric of my skirt and move my head back a little. “Enough,” I growled. “Quit. It.”

“Why?” he asked, his expression carefully neutral. “You can hardly deny that you want this.” He did, however, take the hint and removed his hands from both bosom and groin, and retreated somewhat from my personal space.

“I _do_ ,” I groaned, “But not in the gorram _taxi_. I do have _some_ standards of propriety, you know. I am _trying_ to restrain myself until we get home and you are making it extremely difficult. So, please, can you just _behave_ yourself for a little while?”

Loki's poker face dissolved into a wide grin, bracketed by deep dimples, eyes crinkling. “Very well. You do, however, recognize the irony of asking me, of all people, to _behave_?” I nodded, and chuckled.

“So, to return to the previous conversation, though I find you beautiful like your namesake, I find you neither arrogant, nor vain, nor boastful. But,” he leaned in again, and dropped his voice to a purr in my ear, “being tied to a chair for punishment, that is something that could be arranged.”

I threw my head back, breathing in sharply, flushing with arousal – _again_. “You are a damnable _tease_ , Loki, and it is entirely _unfair_ that you can affect me like that with just _words_.”

“They _do_ call me the Silvertongue, after all,” he replied, “And for more than one reason.”

I knew better than to rise to that bait, and tried to change the subject. “You said that your mouth can lie, but your body can't. Yet nothing you've said was a lie, was it?”

“No. I assure you every compliment I paid you was entirely sincere. You could easily have proved their veracity, if you had cared to move your hand.”

“I _did_ understand your meaning the first time, you know. No, I'm going somewhere with this. Lies are something else you're known for, but the only untruths I've heard from you were the transparent, joking ones when I asked you why you were in New York. You really _haven't_ lied to me this whole time. I find that curious.”

“Is there a reason for this line of enquiry?” he asked, tone suddenly cold.

Crap, I thought. I had moved somewhat apart from Loki in my attempt to keep my arousal under control, but I realized I should reassure him with some affection, so I cuddled into his side, as I had been when the taxi ride began, and put my arms around him as best as I could in that position. He held himself stiffly. I said, “I'm sorry, I didn't mean to be confrontational or to criticize, but of course it sounds like I am. Partly I was trying to fill the time with something other than innuendo and driving each other to distraction, and partly...” I sighed, unsure how to continue. “I guess the best way to explain is to say, my curiosity is both a blessing and a curse. I am honestly trying to figure you out, and trying to square your reputation with my own observation. I truly, truly meant no offense and I apologize. Tact has never been one of my strong points, sadly.”

Loki had finally relaxed into my hug, and gently stroked the top of my head. “I forgive you, little star,” he said, gently, “and I should not have been so prickly. Shall I answer?”

“Please. If you're really not upset about it.”

“I truly am not.” he replied. “Firstly, and I mean no insult to you either, I _am_ an accomplished enough liar that I doubt you could catch me in a lie if I did not wish you to. Secondly, lying for its own sake has lost its savour lately. Thirdly, people can be manipulated and misled by half-truths and omissions quite effectively, as I am sure you know. This is true not only of humans, but of every sentient race I have ever encountered.” He paused, and made sure to lock eyes with me before continuing. “Lastly, I do not care to lie to you or manipulate you with half-truths. I wanted your friendship, I hoped for more than that, and I intuited that honesty would be a more effective strategy. Moreover, winning favour through deception would be a hollow victory. This sort of prize, I think, tastes sweeter when it is sincerely won.”

Loki was apparently quite correct that honesty was an effective strategy with me. While I had managed, with considerable difficulty, to resist his innuendos, double entendres, and honeyed whispers, I was bowled over by his naked declaration that my affection was a precious prize to be carefully won. I turned around as far as I could, pushed his shoulders into the back of the seat, and leaned my face in until our noses almost touched. “You,” I said, voice shot, “Are bloody magnificent. And when we get home we are going to make love until _neither of us_ can see straight.” And then I kissed him, violently invading his mouth, scraping teeth together, biting his lips. It actually took a few moments for him to recover from his surprise and respond in kind.

The kiss lasted nowhere near long enough before _he_ pulled his mouth away, and kindly but firmly pushed me away by my shoulders. He was as aroused as I was, I could tell, but he reminded me, his voice just as cracked as mine had been, “You. Wanted to wait until we were at your place, remember?” He swallowed audibly and took several deep calming breaths. “ _Now_ who needs to behave herself?” he said, actually managing to sound wry.

I threw myself back onto the seat. “Gods, this is _hard_.”

“That's what she said,” he responded dryly. Clearly my desire had put me on the edge of hysteria, because the cheesy joke made me fall apart into uncontrollable laughter, and that triggered Loki into a fit of giggles as well.

Several minutes later, when we both managed to wind down, Loki pulled me back affectionately against his side, again recreating our original position. He made another attempt at conversation. “Is it not odd,” he said, “that the most ... stirring songs are not about healthy, happy love, but about unhealthy sexual and romantic obsession?”

“Thinking of the last two before we left?”

“They are hardly the only examples. Consider the biggest hit of 1983.” He sang, note perfect: “ _Every breath you take, and every move you make, every bond you break, every step you take, I'll be watching you ..._ Is this romance or the surveillance state?”

I laughed. “And yet those songs _are_ moving. I admit much of the appeal is in the music itself; for instance '#1 Crush' is heavy on the bass, and there's something about that rhythm... But it's the words, too.”

“And some of it is the lovely woman murmuring those words in your ear.”

I smirked. “Are you talking about me, or the singer?” He chuckled. I continued, “I don't know what it says about people. It's as if at some deeper level we see it as the most potent distillation of sexuality and ignore the danger, or maybe the danger gives it spice?”

“The danger makes the blood sing, perhaps.”

“I think so. It's nonsensical and illogical, but for all of humanity's soaring intellect, matters of love and lust have never really answered to logic. And you seemed to find it _stirring_ as well, so clearly that quirk of the psyche is not confined to humanity.”

“Indeed. And I notice so very many songs are about romantic love. Or at least about sex.”

“The popular ones are, sure. After all, they're near-universal aspects of the human condition. What _do_ they sing on Asgard, that our love songs seem noteworthy to you?”

“The skalds sing of heroism and battle, and love is only mentioned if it is relevant to the saga – a stolen bride to start a war, for instance. And there are the cradle songs that mothers sing. There are some few other songs, but that describes the vast majority.”

“If all they have is lullabies and heroic epic, it's not just love songs that are lacking. Some of my favourites have nothing to do with romance. For instance, one is about a specific historical incident, and also about a general social theme, _at the same time_ . There's a heartbreaking one about the loss of old gods and old traditions and another which is a musing on reincarnation. And yet some consider advanced technology to mean Asgard is _culturally superior_ ,” I said, heavily sarcastic.

“The Æsir have been smugly underestimating Earth too long. They have the means to travel the stars, yet travel on horseback within their own realm. Meanwhile, purely with mechanical ingenuity, some nuclear physics and simple chemistry, humans went from horse carriages to interplanetary exploration in less than a century.”

“Clearly your opinion of us differs.”

“I crave knowledge for its own sake and enquiry for its own sake. The joy of discovery, as you said. One Realm offers innovation at a breakneck pace, and boundless scientific curiosity. The other offers intellectual stagnation. It is no great wonder which I should prefer.”

“And better music?” I joked.

“And better music,” Loki agreed.

“You have a lovely voice. Would you sing to me? To pass the time?”

“What would you have me sing?”

“Whatever you like ... preferably nothing that will get me stirred up again.”

“Ah.” He paused, thoughtfully, before beginning. “ _Take my love, take my land, take me where I cannot stand..._ ”

The Ballad of Serenity? I let him finish, of course, even though I was bursting with curiosity. “Someone introduced you to Firefly?” I asked excitedly.

“Rebuilding New York has meant cooperating with one Mr. Anthony Stark and, to a lesser extent, his team of heroes. Tony decided to make friends with me, and ... it is not possible to spend any length of time with the man without getting a thorough immersion in popular culture. He actually invited me over for that particular movie night. The discomfort of his other friends was ... amusing.”

“And you enjoyed it?”

“I understand it a rare person indeed who does not, once they have been introduced. Yes, I did. It is very witty, and they do get involved in quite a lot of mischief, after all.”

I laughed. “That's one way of looking at it. Would you sing another?”

“I think it is your turn, Cassie.”

“No, I can't carry a tune to save my life if I'm not singing along to something.”

“I hope nevertheless to hear you sing, some day. When you are willing.”

“I also don't have the perfect recall of lyrics that you seem to have. So, will you honour me with another song?”

Loki smiled. “Of course, lovely lady. _Don't the hours grow shorter as the days go by? We never get to stop and open our eyes. One minute you're waiting for the sky to fall, next you're dazzled by the beauty of it all_...”

I cuddled into Loki's side and listened to him contentedly.

 

A few songs later, Loki said to me, “I should not have been so rough with you at the bar, I am sorry.”

“Rough? What do you mean?” I asked.

“When I held you against the pillar. My strength is so much greater than yours, you would not have been able to break free.”

“You would have let me go if I had asked, though, wouldn't you?”

“Yes, of course.”

“Then I don't see what the problem is. Besides, as you might have noticed, I _wanted_ to be there. Quite enthusiastically.” I reached over to cup his jaw in my hand and looked into his eyes, to underscore my next words. “Besides, I _like_ you fierce.”

Loki regarded me with narrowed eyes. “Is that so?” he said. His lips quirked in a smirk, gone almost before I could register it, and then his expression turned grim. “Perhaps you do not realize just how _fierce_ I can be.” Suddenly his left hand was pressing on my throat, not hard enough to choke, but enough to convey that threat. “If we dance on that fine line between fierce and dangerous, will you recognize when we cross it? Will I?” he said, darkly.

I felt a spike of fear at his actions, but it faltered as I realized his hand was completely still, not tightening. There was no immediate danger. He was making a point. And the fear began to ebb at his final words, which tasted of self-doubt.

“You value me enough to want to win me honestly. I can't believe that you intend to harm me.”

Loki dropped his hand. “I do not _intend_ harm, but that is no guarantee against it. There is more darkness in my nature than you can fathom.”

“And there is more sweetness than you give yourself credit for,” I retorted, caressing his face gently. “I'll take my chances on your self-control. And if that is a risky choice to make, still, it is _my_ choice.”

“I fear I have ruined what had been a perfect night,” Loki admitted. Indeed, the mood in the taxi was heavy.

“Not if I can lighten your mood,” I said, hopefully. Loki simply raised an eyebrow, as if he thought that highly unlikely. I leaned in to give him a tender kiss, closed-mouth, only the soft press of lips. When we drew apart, the gloom was reduced somewhat, but he still had dark clouds in his expression. I tried a different tactic, and began to sing, hopelessly off-key, hoping to surprise him as he had surprised me. “ _Jayne ... the man they call Jayne ... he robbed from the rich, and he gave to the poor_ ... ” Loki looked disconcerted for a second before he started laughing, and he soon joined in.

“You are very silly,” he said at the end. He was still smiling.

“It worked, though,” I pointed out. We had nearly reached my apartment. The mood having changed so much during our conversation, I thought I should ask, “Did you still want to ... ?” I trailed off, not sure quite how I meant to finish my thought; he was certainly welcome to come up, even if he was no longer 'in the mood.'

“Oh, I think I could be convinced,” he replied wryly.

“And after all that work convincing you earlier, I'm going to have to start over again?” I asked in the same tone. Loki chuckled, but this time it was soft and deep and made me think he probably wouldn't need much convincing, after all.

We arrived and paid the driver. Still standing on the sidewalk, I embraced him, arms up around his neck. “So, how about it, Mr. Tall, Dark and Handsome?” I asked him quietly. “Shall we resume where we left off?”

In response, he cupped the back of my head to hold me for a hot and hungry kiss. He murmured after, “Preferably once we are inside. You will have to remind me where we left off, precisely. Did you leave a bookmark?” He smiled.

As we walked to the front door and I let us in, I said, bluntly, “Before we get any further, I have one important ground rule. Condoms.”

Loki nodded. “Of course.”

“And I should warn you that it's been a long time, and even then ... I was never very experienced.” We were inside, and I closed the door behind us, hanging my coat on a hook at the bottom of the stairs. Loki opened the many layers of his coat by the expedient use of magic, and hung it up beside mine.

“You worry you will not please me?” he asked, and pulled me into his arms. “ _Bella donna_ , you please me by desiring me. That cannot be feigned, and technique can be learned. If it is any consolation, I guarantee it has been a longer time for me, in absolute terms at least.” I looked up at him and my disbelief must have been written on my face, for he smiled and said, “Truly. My ground rule is that I prefer not wait for your 'yes,' but I promise to respect your 'no'. Is that acceptable to you?” I nodded. He continued, “And I am normally in very fine control of my greater strength, but there is a very real danger of injuring you if that control slips. Please ...”

“I'll tell you. But I'm not worried.” I ran a hand up under the back of his shirt. “Relax, this is supposed to be fun,” I added, then nuzzled at his collarbone.

Between blinks, Loki pushed me against the wall with hands on my shoulders, then rested his hands on the wall beside my head, as before, caging me in without pinning me to the wall. He had a tiny smile, full of mischief, and said, “I believe this is where we left off?”

I leaned forward as if to kiss him, then deflected to kiss his nose and ducked out from under his arms. “But first you'll have to catch me,” I challenged him, running up the stairs. I heard him laugh behind me. I knew Loki could move much faster than me, so clearly he was playing along, as he didn't catch me until I was in the bedroom.

This time he wasn't letting me escape. His right arm was a steel bar around my waist holding me tightly to him, his left hand fisted in my hair. “Little rabbit, if you run from the lynx he will only chase you the harder,” Loki growled, and then came in for an aggressive kiss. It lasted just long enough for me to relax in pleasure, before he pulled away, biting my lip and yanking my head back by my hair, forcing me to look up directly into his intense gaze. “No escaping,” he said.

“No,” I repeated.

“No more games.”

“No.” This was hotter than I would have expected.

“Will you do what I tell you?” His pupils were noticeably dilated by now.

“Yessir,” I replied. I didn't know where that word came from, but it felt right.

“Good girl.” Loki loosened his grip and pulled me in for another kiss, just as aggressive as the last. This time, though, he didn't cut it short, invading my mouth in full force. I responded eagerly, my tongue teasing, retreating, and trying to push back, but as hard as I tried he would not allow me into his mouth. It was a battle and I was loving every second of it. When he pulled away to gasp in a deep breath, he let go of my waist and hair and spoke two words in my ear.

“Now, kneel.”

I dropped to my knees without a thought, resting on my heels, gaze downward to his feet. Loki did not immediately offer further instruction, perhaps waiting to see what I would do. I leaned over all the way and kissed, then licked, the tops of his boots, while kneading and caressing his calves through their thick leather.

“Cassie,” he said to get my attention. I sat back up and looked up into Loki's face. His voice had been gentle, a little thick, but his eyes were dark and full of need. “Undress me.”

Loki offered his left hand, and I kissed his palm before letting him help me up. I began with the button on his left cuff, then the right. Before I continued with the shirt front, I asked him deferentially, “May I touch, while I undress you?”

“You may,” he replied. I undid his buttons at a natural pace, neither rushing nor deliberately taking my time. When I pushed the shirt off, I stroked his arms through the thin fabric, then let it fall to the floor. Now I could see what I had only appreciated through touch before. I took a few moments to enjoy the view. His slender form was muscular, but those muscles were lean and wiry, not bulky, and they were softened visually and to touch by a little fat under the skin. His nipples were brown, surprisingly dark on his pale skin, and despite his black tresses, his body hair was as fine and transparent as my own. The only dark coarser hair was under his arms and on the trail below his navel, none on his chest or back. The white lines of countless old, healed scars were only barely lighter than his skin, but some scars were large enough to be unmissable. I reached around him to trace a long, proud scar on his back with the lightest of touches, while I licked circles around his nipple, then flicked it with my tongue, and repeated the treatment on the other one, each time eliciting a breathy gasp.

I pressed a soft kiss to the middle of his chest and laid my hands on his sides, trailing them down his hips, the outsides of his legs, all the way down to his ankles as I went back down on my knees. Loki's calf-high boots were complicated and required my full attention; they had multiple buckles and needed to be almost fully unlaced before they were loose enough to pull off. Once stripped of their boots and socks, though, both of his graceful, long-toed feet were treated to my rubbing thumbs and soft kisses.

Finally, the pants. Loki's pants were a work of art – they fit like a well-made glove, the leather was soft and smooth as butter, and they flattered his long legs – his small, round ass, the pillars of his thighs, his perfectly shaped calves. As wonderful as he looked _in_ his pants, though, I wanted him _out_ of them more. They had panels of lacing at each hip, which I loosened first. The fly also laced up, and I was not surprised to feel him stirring under my fingers as I undid the lacing. Underneath he wore snug underwear made of a black silk so fine they could not be perceived through his pants. I tugged them down along with his pants, fondling his legs as I peeled the tight leather off of them. Once released, his cock sprung out already fully hard. It was long, curving slightly towards his stomach.

We were several paces away from my bed. Loki laid a hand briefly on my shoulder. “Stay a moment,” he said, stepped out of his pants and went to sit on the bed, his legs spread wide apart. “Come here,” he directed me, “on your hands and knees,” he added unnecessarily, as I would not have approached in any other fashion. I crawled to him, and leaned my head affectionately into his thigh as I settled between his feet. He petted my hair briefly before ordering, “Pleasure me with your mouth.”

I'm a terrible gagger, so I knew I could not accommodate his full length. I was determined to please him nonetheless. I rested a hand on each thigh, so I wouldn't have to think about what to do with them. I began by placing a reverent kiss on the very tip, then stuck my tongue out to lick a long, slow stripe along the underside from the base of his organ to its head. Loki gasped out a loud “Aah” when tongue first met flesh, which he sustained, quieter and lower, as I licked three more times, right, top and left. I blew on the wet skin and he shivered. I smiled, and moved to take in as much of his length as I could comfortably manage.

Loki got my attention with a gentle hand to my cheek. I looked up at him. “Before you continue,” he said, voice full of gravel, “when the time arrives, I will come in your mouth, and you _will_ swallow every last drop. Do you understand?” I nodded, just the slightest inclination of my head to avoid hurting him, but it was sign enough. He dropped his hand to cover one of mine as I began. As I tried different techniques, he brought my hand to the base of his shaft and guided my hand's motions to show me what he wanted. Loki was vocal, and I could establish by trial and error what actions of my mouth best pleased him. He put a hand on my head, not manipulating me or even guiding me, just resting his hand, his fingers toying with my hair. I settled into a rhythm that combined light suction with a swirling tongue. I sensed his pleasure steadily building by the tension of his body and his vocal encouragement. Shortly after he said he was close, I accidentally scraped my teeth on the very edge of the glans and he suddenly froze, coming with a yell; I lost my rhythm as he pulsed once and twice and again, and I had to concentrate on swallowing as he'd told me to. His seed tasted nothing like I expected, milky, and with a tang of cinnamon, both spicy and sweet and very pleasant.

Loki's body relaxed and he pulled out; he stroked my hair briefly, then used that hand to tip my face up. His voice was kind and humorous when he told me, “You missed a drop.” Indeed, there was a dribble of wetness on my chin. Before I could act, he wiped it up with his finger; remembering my duty, I did not let him draw his hand away but brought it to my mouth, to lick off and swallow that last tasty drop.

He smiled. “You did well, my pet.”

With a contented sigh, I leaned my head against his knee, and he resumed stroking my head. I would have happily stayed that way, but after a minute or so, he said, “Cassie?” I made a little noise in response. To him, I must have seemed very far away. “Are you alright?” A positive 'mm-hmm.' “Cassie, come back up to me. Please.” He was looking in my eyes and his held some concern. I was in a bit of a daze.

“I'm ... alright,” I said. “Just give me a moment.” Loki extended a hand and I let him help me to my feet as I collected my wits. I sat down beside him, deliberately rubbing my skirt on his bare leg, making him close his eyes briefly in enjoyment. He stroked the velvet covering my thigh. “Caught you,” I said, “you're just as tactile as I am, aren't you?”

“Yes, I am. How _do_ you manage to wear velvet dresses without constantly feeling up your own body in them?”

“I generally don't bother to avoid doing so.”

He smiled. “As much as I enjoy touching the lush velvet of your skirt, my dear, I think what is underneath will feel even better. You are _rather_ overdressed at the moment.”

“That's true.” I began to reach behind me to untie the knot of my corset laces, but Loki laid a hand on my arm to stop me.

“You could lie down on your front and let me do that for you,” he suggested.

“Will you give me a kiss first?”

“With pleasure,” he said, and leaned over to do so. This kiss held none of the aggression of the last, but it was still hungry enough to quickly heat my blood. All the arousal that I had suppressed or ignored while I was focused on Loki's pleasure came surging back. I groaned loudly into his mouth, and clutched at him, pulling myself closer. After some time, Loki finally broke the kiss and I whined in frustration. “Like that, is it?” he asked, wry but also gentle.

“You have witchcraft in your lips,” I said.

He smiled. “Shakespeare, Henry V. But witchcraft or no, my kisses are not getting your clothes off.” He shifted on the bed and bent over to pull my feet into his lap and started unlacing my boots. After both feet were bare, he gave them an affectionate rub, and leaned over to give me a quick peck on the lips. “Time to lie down, my lady.”

I moved to stretch out along the bed, lying on my stomach with my face resting on my arms. Loki caressed the back of my head and the short hairs on the nape of my neck, and then my shoulders and the top of my back before turning his attention to the knotted bow of my corset laces. As he worked the laces, he spoke again. “What was that, before? I was a little concerned about you.”

“What that was, is you're incredible.”

“ _I_ am incredible? I was not doing anything.” The knot was undone and he was working to loosen the laces, spreading the back of the corset open.

“Yes, you were.” It took a few moments to put into words what I needed to explain. “I ... was never interested in being submissive before. Not my thing, didn't want to try it. Then you come into my life, and come into my bedroom, being aggressive and pulling my hair and ...” I stopped because Loki had stopped loosening the laces, and surprised me by starting to kiss and lick between each 'x' of lacing.

“Do continue,” he said from my back, briefly pausing.

I took a deep breath before going on. “When you told me to do as you said, it felt ... right. When you told me to kneel there was no other place I wanted to be but at your feet. And then all I cared about was pleasing you. _That_ is what you did, and _that_ is incredible. Because I'm pretty sure I still wouldn't do that for anyone else.” I fell silent for a while, enjoying his mouth on my back. When he reached the bottom of my corset, I added, “I was more than alright. You were pleased with me and that made me happy. I could have stayed like that all night, I think.”

“Except that I want to give you pleasure as well, _lisica_ , and that would be more difficult with you in that state.” He squeezed my ass appreciatively. “Sit up, please.”

I rolled over and sat up facing Loki. He nuzzled my neck, licking and nibbling at a tender spot just below my ear as his hands worked open the busk of the corset. Finally he drew back, pulling the open garment off me and casting it to the floor. I half-expected him to be disappointed at how pendulous my breasts were without support; but instead he grinned, cupping one in each hand. Even as large as his hands were, they each only covered half a breast. “Truly glorious,” he commented sincerely. “And these ...” he flicked the barbells piercing my nipples with his thumbs, “are a new experience for me.” I shifted so I was lounging on the bed, and he laid his head between my breasts, then licked the underside of the right one in one long stroke from breastbone to the outside curve. Curving back he took my nipple in his mouth, suckling gently at first, then more forcefully, nipping it and tugging the barbell with his teeth.

He looked up, disconcerted at my lack of reaction and said, “What, nothing?”

“They've never been sensitive,” I said. “Don't let that stop you if you're enjoying yourself.”

“That is a pity. Perhaps that can be fixed. But for now, I would rather focus my attentions where they are of more use,” Loki replied, tweaking both nipples one last time. He made a trail of kisses from between my breasts, down onto my belly, moving seemingly at random, sometimes nibbling, sometimes licking. He explored with his hands as well, stroking and kneading. Some reactions surprised both of us, and I was also certain he was memorizing all the ticklish spots for later reference. He pulled my skirt out of the way, but only off my belly. Finally, when it seemed every other scrap of skin had been explored, he nipped the edge of my navel and plunged his tongue in, licking thoroughly and vigorously, over and over as I wiggled and gasped.

“You ... are .. maddening,” I managed to get out.

Loki looked up with a smug half-smile that seemed to say, that was the idea. He slipped fingers into the waistband of my skirt and finally pulled it the rest of the way off, as I lifted my hips to help. Then he laid his head on my thigh, so close to my sex that his breath tickled and rustled the hairs. And did nothing.

“Loki,” I said, voice thick, equal parts question and exasperation.

He looked up at me, licking his lips teasingly. “Tell me, Cassie, just how much you want this. Then, _only_ then, shall I satisfy you.”

Without thinking, I hissed out in frustration, “Bastard.”

He grinned like the cat who got the canary and replied. “Oh, just for that, you will have to _beg_ , dear Cassiopeia.”

Clearly I was not getting out of this game he was playing, even though I found this kind of talk difficult and vaguely embarrassing. I reached down to run my fingers in his hair as I tried to put together pleasing words. “I need it like a cold drink on a hot day. I need it like hunger. Please.”

“Please what?”

“Please, lick me, taste me, show me what that talented tongue can do. You're making me crazy, I beg you, please....”

“That is better,” Loki said softly. One finger gently explored my crinkled lips. “Ah, lovely. You're already so very wet.” He wasn't smug, as I expected, merely stating fact.

Some other time I might have responded with sarcasm, but right then what came out of my mouth was from the heart, with no filter. “For you, Loki. All for you.” He made a tiny, choked noise halfway between a groan of pleasure and ... a sob? I didn't have the chance to wonder.

So long anticipated, the first touch of his tongue to my nether lips was electrifying. I let out an undignified yelp. He began slowly, exploring the outer folds, a gentle kind of pleasure. I relaxed, expecting a slow build, when he suddenly speared his tongue as deep inside me as it would reach. I arched a bit and gasped, then panted as he firmly, relentlessly probed and swirled. His pace became steadily more frantic, with an edge of hunger, and I was becoming ever more wound up, but it would not be enough. Still he continued, making me nearly delirious. I was ready to beg him to move on when he _finally_ attended to my clitoris. There was nothing soft in this 'kiss,' all hard pressure and suction, and I was stunned by the intensity of the pleasure, unable to do anything but press into his mouth, climbing and climbing. Then, unexpectedly, he took the nub firmly in his teeth and tugged at it, and I cracked open with an incoherent moan. He didn't stop but continued, hanging on as I bucked and writhed. Once I subsided he became gentler in his ministrations, soft licks on oversensitive flesh.

I opened my eyes and looked down at my lover, and reached down to stroke his hair. His cheeks were flushed and his eyes were closed; he seemed to be in his own contented head-space, happy in giving pleasure. I felt a surge of emotions, gratitude, tender affection, a squeeze in my heart at his beauty, all at once. I wanted to express it but had no words, and I simply said, “Oh, Loki,” voice full of feeling.

Loki seemed to understand. He raised his head and replied simply, “Cassie,” in a similar tone, and squeezed my free hand. A few silent moments later, he spoke again. “ _Eztia_ , shall I continue? It would please me greatly to see how many times I can bring you to bliss before you are exhausted, but I confess I am distracted by my own selfish need.”

The choice was not as hard as it sounded. “That experiment can wait until later,” I said, and beckoned him up from his place between my legs. Soon he was hovering above me, his knees framing one of my thighs, upper body braced by his hands on either side of my head, his 'selfish need,' as he called it, quite evident, hanging heavy between us. He looked directly down at my face from above, and his hair hung around us like inky veils. “It's hardly selfish, Loki,” I said, and added quietly, “Did you really think that I need you inside me any less than you do?”

His breath caught, and he responded not with words but by dropping his weight onto his elbows to give me a ravenous but brief kiss, his mouth still flavoured with my wetness. I didn't complain when he rolled off of me, towards the edge of the bed. Before I had entirely registered what he was doing, he'd retrieved a condom from my bedside table, and before I could offer to put it on for him, he had the matter well in hand.

“That was efficient,” I noted with a laugh, “and I didn't even have to say anything.”

“I _do_ respect your ground rules, darling,” Loki pointed out. He moved to loom over me again, and when he spoke again it was low and husky. “Now then, I believe I shall have you _just_ like this, and I shall watch your face as I ravish you. Are you ready for me, Cassiopeia?”

“Yes, oh _hell_ yes,” I replied.

Loki entered slowly at first, and I was grateful because it was took a slight stretch to accommodate him. I hissed through my teeth at the discomfort, and Loki paused, asking “Are you ...”

I interrupted, “It'll be fine. _Don't you dare stop_.”

Snarling, he plunged the rest of the way in with one swift stroke. “I will do _exactly_ as I please,” he growled, paused in place but dropping down to rest his weight on me, face close enough I could feel his breath hot on my cheek, eyes intent on mine. He filled me up perfectly, something I'd never felt before, he had me pinned under his own weight, at his mercy ... and it felt _glorious_. I twisted one hand in his hair, holding his head in place, and as he began to move again I grasped at his shoulder with the other. Soon he realized he needed better leverage and shifted slightly up, raising my hips, and I wrapped my legs around his waist to keep hold. Loki began a moderate pace and that felt nice and satisfying and I watched his expressions of pleasure play across his face and listened to his little noises ... and then he made a deeper stroke and _dear gods that was my G-spot!_ He caught the change in my expression, the muffled grunt, because he grinned and every thrust after that was deeper and a little harder, sensation building steadily. I heard quiet moans creep into my panting, and Loki's vocalizations became louder and more varied.

Perhaps it was an especially hard tug on his hair, or my nails scratching harder on his back, or something else, but whatever the trigger, I saw the moment that Loki's control broke; his mouth fell open and his eyes narrowed. He pounded hard and wildly, and cried out with each stroke, “Ooh ... powers ... Cass ... i ... o ... pei .... aaaaaahh...” He screamed the last syllable, voice breaking. His viciously hard last stroke, his face when he came, mouth hanging open, eyes slitted, skin flushed and sweaty, hair in wild disarray, and hearing him cry out my name as he came was enough to trip me as well. Not so high a high as some, still it felt lovely and I murmured his name as I released.

We collapsed in a tangle, only briefly stirring when Loki pulled out and removed the condom ... then made it disappear, reappearing with a 'pop' in the garbage bin across the room. “Showoff,” I accused him fondly.

“Better than having to get up,” he replied, and pulled me onto my side.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wiki entry on Cassiopeia the mythological figure: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cassiopeia_%28mythology%29
> 
> Velvet Underground is a real place, a nightclub I actually go to sometimes. I've heard all those played there, except for one; somehow I can't picture any of the DJs playing Adam Lambert. Let's call it literary license, shall we?
> 
> "gorram" is a word invented for Firefly, as far as I know.
> 
>  _bella donna_ \- Italian, "fair lady".  
>  _lisica_ \- Croatian, "vixen, female fox"  
>  _eztia_ (or _ezti_ , and I'm not clear on the difference) - Basque, "honey"
> 
> Songs mentioned/quoted in this chapter:  
> "More" by the Sisters of Mercy (c) 1990  
> "I Will Follow" by U2 (c) 1980  
> "For Your Entertainment" by Adam Lambert (c) 2009  
> "The Ubiquitous Mr Lovegrove" by Dead Can Dance (c) 1993  
> "With or Without You" by U2 (c) 1987  
> "#1 Crush" by Garbage (c) 1996 (the Romeo and Juliet remix)  
> "Every Breath You Take" by the Police (c) 1983  
> "The Ballad of Serenity" performed by Sonny Rhodes, written by Joss Whedon, (c) 2002 (??I think); it's the theme song to Firefly.  
> "Lovers in a Dangerous Time" is actually by Bruce Cockburn, but I'm thinking of the cover version by the Barenaked Ladies, (c) 1991  
> "The Hero of Canton" by Ben Edlund, (c) 2002, from the Firefly episode "Jaynestown"


	3. Cassiopeia A, a supernova remnant

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Loki talks about his past.  
> Cassie learns more than she expected to. 
> 
> Warning/tags:  
> All the Lokifeels ahead. All of them.  
> Mention of attempted genocide, self-hatred, discussion of past suicide attempt (implied in canon) and suicidal ideation, implied past torture, discussion of past mind control, discussion of past mind rape, implied past physical rape.  
> Hurt/Comfort dynamic for sure.
> 
> Not to spoiler, but Loki's punishment is barbaric. And I hate Odin.  
> I'm so sorry, Loki.

We lay close together, afterwards, face to face, legs entwined, one of my arms losing sensation. As the euphoria wore off into drowsiness, the reality of who I'd taken to bed began to sink in. I'd been content to avoid remembering that my brilliant, witty, impish friend was also the would-be tyrant who'd caused the deaths of hundreds of people. But being intimate with him, baring my body and no small part of my inner self to him, meant I could no longer comfortably ignore it. Sleep suddenly seemed very far away.

"Loki," I said gently, raising my free hand to caress his cheek. How I had I not noticed until then how long his eyelashes were?

"Mmm?" He opened his eyes and held my gaze, more alert than I'd expected. I realized he hadn't been drowsing so much as quietly enjoying the moment with his eyes closed.

"I'm sorry, I'm about to ruin the mood," I started, not sure how to ask what I needed to know.

"But you are troubled. You regret this," he said, sadness and concern both in his voice.

"No, I don't regret the sex. I wanted this, and I still do. It was wonderful," I reassured him, and pressed a light kiss to his lips to reinforce my words. I tried to gather my thoughts. "It's just... a lot of women are attracted to the villain, but it's a different thing to face the reality of having him in your bed." He opened his mouth to speak, but I stopped it with a finger to his lips. "No, let me finish. You said you regretted your actions, and I've seen nothing but good from you. I know I should believe you, but... What I know of your past still troubles me. Scares me a bit. I guess I need to understand. Why you did what you did, what changed your mind since then to cause remorse?"

While I spoke, Loki had shifted out of my arms and sat up on the bed. I sat up as well, taking one of his hands in mine. He looked down, away from my eyes, his body language the picture of misery. "Damn, I'm sorry," I said. "I shouldn't have asked."

"No," he replied, his voice drawn and weary. "You have every right to ask. You need to feel you can trust me. " He took a long, deep breath to steady himself. "Are you sure you want me to answer? The story may earn your trust, but the telling will not give ease to your heart. It is a long story, and ... it means baring my heart more than I would wish."

I leaned over to hug him briefly. "And you haven't known me long enough to trust me that deeply," I realized. "Shit. It's unfair of me to expect trust from you when I'm doubting my own. I'm sorry. I don't mean to hurt you, I swear it. But I _do_ want to know, if you are willing to tell me." He nodded. I stood up. "In that case, this sounds like the kind of conversation that should happen sitting with tea, not in bed," I said, forced lightness in my tone. I rummaged around for a t-shirt, put it on, and tossed my robe at him, earning me a quizzical look while he shrugged it on. "You might not find the rest of the apartment as warm as my bed," I offered.

We made our way to the kitchen, and as the kettle boiled and our tea steeped, he told me, in brief, of his earlier life until the fateful confrontation on the Bifröst. He paused, then, until we settled ourselves side by side on the living room sofa with our mugs. He put his down on a side table, and I blew on my tea and started sipping it while he talked.

Loki continued, "I know now how horrendous it was, to try and destroy an entire realm, an entire race. But you must understand, everything I learned from Odin throughout my youth led me to believe it was right. I had been taught that the Jötnar were bloodthirsty monsters, little better than beasts ... and I had recently learned I was one of them all along. My plan was clever, defeating an ancient enemy, ending the threat of war, without risking the lives of our warriors. I was looking for approval more than ever, to prove myself better than my blood, certain that _this_ time Odin would see my worthiness. When he flatly denied me, my world ... it was already upside-down and fragile since he had told me the truth of my parentage, but with _that_... it completely fell apart. And he spoke those words as I was dangling precariously from the end of Gungnir." He stopped and locked eyes with me, his green eyes bleak and stormy. "It was easiest to simply let go. When I fell into the abyss, I fully expected to die."

I held his gaze and reached out to gently stroke his hair. "I have almost been there, with much less compelling a reason. I simply didn't have so easy an opportunity as you."

He closed his eyes and covered my hand with his, and we sat there in silence for a minute. He took deep breaths, clearly trying to calm his raging emotions enough to continue speaking, finally opening his eyes and dropping our joined hands to his lap "It might have been better for all the Realms if I _had_ died. Instead, I fell and fell - I know not how long, but it felt almost endless. Spending so long, eyes open, exposed to that ... _emptiness_ ... I suppose you could say it opened my eyes and expanded my mind to the universe, but in a way that was deeply unsettling. And then I landed among the Chitauri. My reception was ... _unpleasant_. I thought I had known pain ..." He stopped abruptly, his voice choked up, dropping his head, and I saw he had started silently weeping. "I ... I would rather not speak of that," he whispered.

I put my tea down, and tentatively put my hands on Loki's shoulders. He did not object, so I pulled him into a tight hug, knowing immediately it was the right move when he leaned in and clutched me even tighter, sobbing quietly against my shoulder. I held him, soothingly stroking his hair and his back for several minutes, as his sobs and tremors waxed and waned in intensity. Finally his sobs came to an end, and he eased his tight grip on my ribs. I let go of the embrace and he sat up, one hand taking mine, the other picking up his mug of tea. Taking my cue from him, I picked up my own mug, and we sat silently drinking for many more minutes until both our mugs were empty, and we set them both aside. He looked over at me, and asked hesitantly, "Could I... I would like to lean on you, if that is alright?" The hesitance and the deference the question showed drove home to me just how vulnerable this confession was making him feel.

I chuckled, gently. "You hardly needed to ask, sweetness." I shifted a bit, and Loki scooted a bit, so he could lean over and rest his head between my breast and shoulder. I smiled and put my arm around his shoulders. I took a chance and joked, "An advantage of large breasts. Most comforting pillow _ever_ , or so I'm told." I felt just the tiniest twitch of a smile in response.

Loki finally felt ready to continue his story. "You are aware that I used a magical sceptre to control the minds of a number of people working for me?" he asked, his tone carefully flat.

I nodded. "I had read that, although I don't think anyone was using that particular adjective."

"The Chitauri horde was led by a Titan called Thanos, and his lieutenant whose name I never knew. They were the ones who gave me the sceptre. The mind control was Thanos' power, not my own; the sceptre allowed me to use that power. But he also controlled me in much the same way. The effect was more subtle than the sceptre, I did not realize it until after the control was broken, but my mind was not entirely my own. Between the torture, Thanos' manipulation and his mind control, he twisted me to believe the invasion was something I craved. What Thanos wanted most was control of the Tesseract - a powerful artifact that could open gates between distant worlds. I probably could have retrieved it without needing an invading army, but if I was opening a portal for him, Thanos would send destruction through it because carnage amuses him. If you have ever heard it said that I kill because it's fun ... that is not who am. That was Thanos' influence on me, and a better description of his character than mine."

Loki turned his face to me, to lock eyes with mine before he continued. "I am not sure exactly when Thanos' control was broken; possibly when the main fleet was destroyed, or when the portal was collapsed, or perhaps it was a result of the repeated head trauma I sustained fighting with the Hulk. In any case, my thoughts and actions are once again my own." He shifted position, sitting up, and leaned in. "This is entirely me." He cupped my jaw and kissed me tenderly; at first only on the lips, and then very gently parted my lips with the tip of his tongue. I started to respond, but he pulled away.

"Ah, but the story is not done."

"Tease," I accused, glaring at him for a split second.

"Always," he replied, reaching up in an attempt to tweak my nose, which I averted by grabbing the offending hand.

"Don't you start that nonsense or I will have to tickle you, Loki," I scolded.

"I assure you, if you start a tickle war, _I_ will win it. I am well known for my devious tactics. However, that would be distracting, and you requested a tale of me. Will you hear the rest?"

"Yes, but there must be more kisses later, or I shall be very put out."

"Very well," he replied, and settled back into his previous position, leaning on my breast. “Another thought Thanos implanted in me was the desire not simply to rule, but to rule as an absolute dictator, to subjugate everyone. I worried that particular desire had remained, because that feeling of absolute power over others is seductive. It still is. That is one part of the darkness I warned you of.”

“And I was playing with fire, leading you directly into temptation when I asked you to be fierce. I ...”

Loki interrupted, “Do not apologize. I am glad you did. It proved to me that the taint was gone. I gave into the temptation to dominate one person, and found I _could_ stop. I did not need absolute power over _you_ , and it did not turn me back into the tyrant who would conquer all. Besides, it felt _thrilling_. I will happily be _fierce_ for you anytime you ask.”

“Perhaps not every time,” I said. “I don't want to take it for granted. And you're teasing again. You wanted to focus on telling your story, so stop flirting and get on with it,” I reminded him.

“Indeed.” Loki paused a few moments before he continued. “You wished to know what caused my change of heart. Firstly, I would not normally have chosen to act as I did here on Midgard. Believe me, before I fell into Thanos' clutches, I had no desire to harm or to rule this planet. Nevertheless, I did cause harm, great harm, and too many deaths, and I hold myself responsible for them. I regret every harm and every one of those deaths that I should never have caused. That remorse, however, is the smaller part of my remorse, as my reparations here are the smaller part of my sentence and my punishment. I was held in Asgard's dungeons while I awaited my trial and my sentencing. Enchanted shackles prevented me from shifting form and my magic was stripped from me for the duration of my imprisonment. Several of my many enemies took the opportunity to vent their hatred on me while I was captive and without my powers; the guards turned a blind eye, when they did not participate.”

“So all those scars of yours ...”

“Some of them, yes. Some were earned in battle, and many were left by Thanos and his Chitauri. And some of the Æsir preferred methods that leave no lasting marks.”

“That's completely ...” I struggled to express myself. “Gods, that's barbaric. Around here, a prisoner being beaten and tortured would be seen to taint the whole proceeding irredeemably. And for a people who consider themselves noble warriors, it seems hardly honourable to attack someone who can't escape and can't fight back effectively.”

“Those warriors are fully capable of hypocrisy where I am concerned. Most of them would stand little chance of landing a blow on me if we met in fair combat. And Asgardian justice is ... vastly different than that of Earth.”

He paused and took several deep breaths, and I began carding the fingers of my free hand through his hair, sensing his struggle. Eventually he continued. “Odin sentenced me to imprisonment ... indefinitely. Others had called for execution as sentence for my attempted genocide on Jötunheim,” I gasped unconsciously at this revelation, “so his sentence was considered fair and wise by most. Mother pleaded with him for further clemency, and eventually Odin agreed to the scheme of restitution. However, he planned another punishment as well, which he did not reveal to her.”

Loki paused again. “I beg your patience. This is difficult to speak of and awkward to explain. There are individuals across the Realms who have the ability to affect the minds of others: to read them, to manipulate them, to insert thoughts into them and so on. It is a very rare ability and one which is more generally feared than celebrated.”

“Because the potential for abuse is so great and is horrifying to think about,” I interjected.

“Precisely,” he replied, “and Thanos provides an example of the danger. Odin decided that I should be _made_ to feel remorse, and to experience the horror of my actions. He summoned several mind mages, and many survivors of my crimes, scores and scores of them. The second part of my sentence was that the survivors' memories and feelings about what I had done were forced into my mind.” He clutched me tightly, burrowing his face into my chest. “I believe Odin reasoned, since I had used mind control here on Midgard, that this was _just_ and _fitting,_ ”he spat angrily. “I had not told the court that I myself had been controlled, but, believe me, it would not have changed his sentence one whit. His scheme certainly worked. How could I help but feel remorse when I was made to relive my actions through the victims' eyes? How that felt... ” his voice cracked, “comparing it to violation of the body is apt, rather an understatement, and I speak from experience.”

I realized that I was silently crying. All I could do was hold him. “Oh, my dearest, I am so sorry for what you went through, I don't know what to say or...”

He turned and hushed me with a gentle peck on the lips. “You don't need to say anything, or do anything. Some of the mind mages, while they were obligated to carry out my punishment, were afterwards compassionate enough to begin to reassemble what Thanos' torture had broken and heal the trauma caused by the judicial mind rape, and showed me some ways to heal myself.” Loki only then noticed my tears. “Cassie...” he wiped both cheeks in turn with his thumbs, and gently kissed my eyes. “You cry for _me?_ ” he asked with unbelievable tenderness. “You incredible creature.”

“How could I _not_ ?” I replied. “Does anyone else know about this ... _punishment_? Am I the first one you've told?”

“It was not an official part of my sentence, so it was not made public. Those involved obviously know. Mother definitely does not know. Thor is convinced of the sincerity of my remorse, and helped me convince the authorities of Earth. I did not speak to him of my ordeal, but it is possible that Odin told him of it. To my knowledge those are all who know. And yes, you are the first person I have told.”

Tears threatened again, I swallowed down the feeling. “I wish I knew how to help, but this is way beyond my depth. And all this time, until this conversation, you've mostly seemed pretty cheerful. I don't understand it, considering all you've just told me.”

“Much of the time, when I am directly confronting the consequences of my past, I am much more melancholy. One reason I read so much in my free time is to escape into fiction, or to escape into the joy of learning, and so gain some respite from the gloom.”

“That's something I can definitely relate to.”

“I rather suspected so. The circumstances of our meeting seem rather appropriate, do they not? We both sought escape from sadness in our books, and ended up finding one another. Now I have a much better antidote for bleakness. The simple pleasure of friendship with someone like-minded, a friendship uncomplicated and untainted by association with the pain of my past... that is an incredible balm for my heart. In short, how you can help me is what you've been doing already. You have seen me mostly in good humour because you put me in good humour.” Loki took both my hands in his and grinned at me, cheerfulness slightly forced. “Now, my sweet one, I have told you my crimes and my punishment. Am I redeemed enough in your eyes to be allowed back in your arms and your bed?”

“Yes. No hesitation.”

“I am still not a _nice_ man, nor a good one.”

“Perhaps you should let me be the judge of that.”

“I regret those I killed in my misguided attempt to destroy Jötunheim, and I regret those I killed by my actions here on Earth. But I have also killed in battles, and I killed King Laufey, the frost giant who sired me, for the sake of my political machinations, and those deaths I regret little. The bonds of affection with the Áss who raised me are irrevocably sundered, I am alienated from Thor who was raised as my brother, I am seen as a traitor and unwelcome in the Realm I once considered home, and I find I have no desire to repair any of those broken bonds. I am a man without a home, without a name, no-one's son. Would you still have me?”

“I don't feel I am qualified to judge those killings in the context of a society whose ethical codes are so different from mine. Laufey sired you but also abandoned you to the elements, and I cannot see that his death is morally any worse than the others. Perhaps you are not a shining paragon of goodness, but you're not an irredeemable monster either, and that is what I needed to know. Somewhere in the grey, ambiguous middle. So the answer is still yes. As for names, considering Odin's treatment of you, and especially his unconscionable idea of _justice_ , he does not _deserve_ to be called your father. But you are _not_ 'no-one's son', and you can choose to find your name there, if it pleases you.”

“What do you mean?”

I rolled my eyes. “Save me from Æsir and their stupid patriarchy. Loki, when you speak of the family you were raised in, you call Odin and Thor by their names, not father and brother. But you refer to Frigga as 'Mother.' Clearly you still think of her as your mother, and yourself as her son. And _there_ is the name I meant. Did you _really_ never think of that?”

Loki chuckled softly. “I really never did. You _are_ full of surprises. Hmm. Friggjarson ... I think I like that. I shall consider it.”

“I imagine it would irritate many people on Asgard.”

“And it would please her, both of which are points in its favour.”

I stood up from the couch and extended my hand. “We've determined that you're not such a horrible person and that I will gladly keep you. So, Loki Friggjarson, shall we return to bed now?”

“I believe we shall, Cassiopeia Hugosdóttir.” He rose and we returned to the bedroom hand in hand. We shed our clothes (and my glasses), I lay down on one side and he snuggled in close to me, face to face, legs entwined, my lower arm tucked under his neck, his folded between our chests, and pulled the covers over us. He tangled the fingers of his upper hand in my hair and played with it distractedly, and I did likewise with his. His eyes drifted closed and he suddenly looked exhausted.

“Thank you,” I murmured to him.

“Mmm?” just to indicate he had heard.

“Thank you for trusting me. For trusting me so much to tell me of your ... unofficial punishment, and all the rest. Giving me that much trust, when your life has given you every reason to be untrusting ... I am honoured and humbled.” Loki's eyes flicked open at that and met mine, but I gave him a quick, tender kiss before he could respond. “Especially as I have not necessarily earned it yet.”

“I should thank you for being willing to hear the whole horrific story. For caring enough to want to understand. For still accepting me after learning what a flawed, broken creature I am.”

“No-one is perfect, we all have flaws, many have cracks and wounds. In my opinion, our flaws, our imperfections, the shapes our hearts take around our wounds are part of what makes us beautiful. People are not diamonds.”

“How is that a woman still young should be so wise?” he wondered.

“Mm, most of the time not particularly wise, actually. Bringing home strange men with bad reputations from the bar, for example,” I joked.

“I would trouble you with one more confession, and a promise, before we sleep. If you will allow it.”

“Yes, but let me make a confession of my own first,” I said. He nodded, so I continued. “Bringing home men from the bar is a bad idea for me, not just for the usual reasons of safety. Because if I have sex with someone, I _will_ end up developing feelings for them. It's how I'm wired, I suppose. So one night together, and I already have to admit, this is not just about sex.”

“Who says it ever was? But given how much else we shared tonight... Even if it was just about sex before, it could no longer be so. You give your heart too quickly? That is a revelation I can handle.” he said. “I have thought about our discussion in the taxi, and I wish to make a promise. I vow that I will never lie to you, even if the truth is difficult and hurtful, so you know you never need to doubt my words.”

“Thank you,” I said, quite astonished.

“And I shall make my final confession for the night.” He paused to gather his thoughts. “I did not have even a shred of mind magic before my ordeals. Somehow, though, after so many have meddled in my mind, and after I had controlled others with the sceptre, I have retained a residual sensitivity. I can still read other minds, but I cannot interfere with them. I pick up on emotions and sensations. I _do not_ ever do this on purpose to pry, but sometimes I have unintentionally caught stray surface thoughts. I ask your forgiveness, that I have broken the privacy of your mind before, however accidentally. And ... in your case I did not try to forget what I saw, as I should have done, but hoarded that knowledge for later use.”

“What did you see, and when?” I asked him gently.

“The first day, when I dropped my mask and let you recognize my face, I felt your frisson of fear, but also your attraction. That encouraged me to pursue our friendship and eventually our physical intimacy, armed with the knowledge that my attentions would be welcomed. Although ... I would have chosen to court your favour even without that assurance of success. I also read your feelings when we were dancing together, but those were already quite obvious from physical clues. And I cannot say for certain that it did not happen when we were making love, but I would not have noticed it in that storm of sensations and emotions.”

“Well, I enthusiastically forgive you, considering how well it turned out. I really don't think there's any blame in something you aren't doing consciously. As for using the knowledge, I'm not sure I would have refrained from acting on such information either, if I were to overhear someone speaking of it.” I stroked his cheek and let my eyes drift closed. “Let's both hush and try to sleep, okay?”

We spoke no more, and I lay still, listening to Loki's breathing slow and deepen into sleep before I drifted into slumber myself.

I was half-roused from sleep sometime later, when Loki moved to clutch me tightly – as far as I could tell, still asleep – and I knew that reliving his memories for me had a lingering effect. I did the only thing I could, and wrapped my arms just as closely about him before settling back into sleep.


End file.
